I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize