I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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