I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
