what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
