Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
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