Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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