i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
