I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
