How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize