i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
