i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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