It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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