Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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