yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
