Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
