and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
