We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize