I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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