Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
