She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
