I think i peed on brittanys purse
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
