FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
