so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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