If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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