Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
