I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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