I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
