If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
