No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
