Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
