Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
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my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
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BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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