life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
