I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
