I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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