I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
