you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
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My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
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I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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