Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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