I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
