I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize