Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
