He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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