I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
