Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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