He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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