there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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