his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
