my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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