I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
