when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
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