You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
