Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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