Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
