Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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