I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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