is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
