You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
