Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
soo... how was my night?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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