fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
