Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
