just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
