Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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