remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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