My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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