This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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