im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
