check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
