i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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