Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize