is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
