Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
