had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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