you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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