Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm just crazy horny about you
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
