And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
