at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
