so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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