I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I am spending my child support on dildos
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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