This girl is more easily done than said...
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
